A Full Year in New York

This time a year ago I’d sold my car, packed up just about everything we owned, and started driving across the country with our dog in a yellow box truck. Saint Anne the Wife and our two boys would be staying in Oklahoma City for the next couple months to finish out the school semester, but Clara the Dog and I were off to New York.

I’d love to brag about how I'm constantly working and how easy it’s been for our family to adjust to our new world, but nothing could be further from the truth. No question it’s been the hardest year of our lives.

It's incredibly short sided to judge a major life change after only the first year, but that doesn't mean I'm not. My first year in college was incredibly awkward. Anne and my marriage is so much better 10 years in compared to our first year. I'm pretty sure too we're better parents now than we were after the first year.

We still miss our family and friends back in Oklahoma City, but we've connected with some fantastic people and developed solid relationships here. By all means we pay too much in rent each month, but just about anyone paying NYC rent would tell you the same thing. We could've paid down most of former mortgage in Oklahoma City with what we've spent on rent in Brooklyn this year. Anne started back to full-time work as a teacher this morning making twice what she made back in Oklahoma, but I want to throw up knowing what we're likely to be paying in childcare now that she's no longer a stay at home mom. This first year has had me working more and on bigger projects than in years past, but it's frustrating knowing I'm still short of my ability and ambition.

Every single day I question whether or not we made the right decision, but I can look back at our three buckets of why we decided to move and take comfort knowing we're still making solid swings at each of them.

"A number of factors finally broke surface tension of actually committing to the move: I felt like my work and creative growth had plateaued; Oklahoma is 50th in the nation in teacher pay and the public education system – short of a few bright spots – is a hot mess; The world is a big place with lots of ideas and dIfferent kinds of people. Anne and I feel like we need to make sure our two kids know and experience that first hand." - Me about a year ago

New York in the Fall

Turns out fall is the best time to be in New York. Either fall or spring, but it's early November at the moment so let's just go with fall for now. It's neither crazy hot nor cold and I'm pretty sure New York Halloweens are better than what we had going for us back in Oklahoma. Oh, and the apples and changing leaves almost make the rent worth it. Almost.

Monday and Tuesday had me back in Dallas, TX for another shoot with Phil Kennedy and Running Robot. Crazy thankful for long term clients and the relationships that have developed over the years. Those two days in Dallas were just long enough to fly out, find a couple coffee shops stamps, eat, sleep, and do the shoot before heading back to New York. I may have snuck in a few smudged streetlight tree shots too.

If you ever fly with gear and end up needing to check multiple cases, I can't stress enough the importance of prepping yourself a media badge. This trip had me with three checked cases and only two of them were covered by my United credit card membership perks. I'm normally able to pack the gear (and clothes) I need into two carry-ons and two checked cases, but on this trip I needed a third checked bag. That additional piece would've cost another $300 round trip but I was able to get a media rate of $50 each direction and save the client $200.

The rest of the week was again pretty full. On top the normal day to day of sustaining as a full-time freelancer, I've been prepping for another Dallas job later this month. Plus I got to sneak into a friend's table reading of her feature length script she's co-writing. It's been a while since I've been on that side of the narrative process and I do have to say I've missed it.

Thursday was Halloween and New Yorkers know how to do that holiday right. Anne's mom has been in town since Tuesday and she joined Anne and our boys in bringing back the biggest candy haul this family has ever seen. Saturday morning had us at our older boy's soccer game followed by me putting together a last minute costume for a party and a date night with Saint Anne the Wife. Oh, and Sunday morning was the NYC Marathon. Something like 50k participants ran only a couple blocks from our apartment. I did nerd out watching the camera setups the broadcast team was using to cover lead runners.

Oh Whoa... It's Monday Again

Good grief. Turns out Monday happens each week. This one kinda snuck up on me.

This past week had me busy getting our apartment lease squared away for another year and prepping for end of year tax stuff which is always fun. Then I got a chance to hustle and land a couple projects in Dallas, TX. I'm actually writing this quick post from a coffeeshop in Dallas before my shoot in the morning. Oh, and I've been cranking away on another dark and moody music video with Elena Goddard.

Let's see... What else from this past week? Uh... Yea, it's been a busy one full of stuff not directly related to being behind a camera all the while I'm absolutely dying to be. Basically a ton of stuff that'll allow me to do and keep doing the thing(s) I'd rather be doing. You know, "being an adult" stuff.

Resumes and Reels

Absolutely spent way too much time this past week trying to put together a working resume. I've not had a full-time job since January 2011 but obviously I've been working since then.

I should probably have a resume together and update it regularly, but I could count the number of requests I've had for one on a single hand since leaving a full-time position. Still, especially this past year in a new market, I'm having more and more potential clients reach out asking for something I don't have.

The past few years on average I've had 60+ jobs each year ranging from simple half-day shoots and small edits to Director/DP jobs on commercial campaigns stretching weeks to months at a time. I have buddies that seem to be working non-stop on different projects and others who only need four to five jobs the whole year to make more than they need. That's pretty much the freelancer's world.

Typically I'll point inquires of my qualifications and past work experience to my website; there's a demo reel on the Home page plus additional About and Work pages. There's also a Stills page for photos and frames I've shot to give examples of my approach to compositions and lighting. I've also got a Blog section if potential clients and collaborators are interested in the way I think, what I'm working on when I'm not behind a camera, and have time to dig around for actual examples of my written communication skills. Even with all that in mind, it'd be in my best interest to make it as easy as possible for those considering me for a potential job or project.

Still, I don't have a current resume together – I'm getting close though.
Hey-O! Here's the's Resume (includes a PDF version as well as a responsive HTML table that took me WAY too long to figure out).

An additional thing that kinda blows my mind is the whole thing of potential clients wanting an actual PDF of your resume. Yes, it's 2019 and for the most part it's not hard to have a website, but still... Yes, I'll make it possible to download the PDF so it can printed out as needed. The problem of just having a PDF of your resume though is that PDF information doesn't show up in search results. Thanks for the heads up Squarespace.

Seems like the solution - or at least the way I'm approaching it – would be to keep a running spreadsheet of your past projects, your role, who you worked for, and when. I do keep a very detailed account of all that plus more, but the spreadsheet formatting isn't what I'd consider "resume friendly." Also, my Squarespace website is for all intents and purposes is exactly what I need professionally, but unfortunately doesn't have a good solution when it comes to embeddable tables, especially responsive ones that will stay properly formatted on mobile devices as the user switches between vertical and horizontal orientations.

Seriously, if I could spend all my time as a cinematographer, DP, and get to direct projects now and then, I would, but reality doesn't have me in that world. So here I am, hustling to do tons of other things in order to get behind a camera to continue making stuff as much as possible. Thankfully I'm insanely curious and get to learn all kinds of other things I'd not given different circumstances.

Then there's the hot mess of a demo reels and keeping them updated. My current one is about a year old so it's by far due for some attention. There's no shortage of online advice about how to put together a reel, but one of the more helpful ones I've come across lately comes from the guy behind The Wandering DP. Absolutely dig and agree with the ideas about Cold and Warm Reels.

The Cold Reel is there for those you've not worked with before and to give them a sense of the work you've done and want to be doing. The Warm Reel is for those you've worked with before and who are trying to sell you on a project.

I've never had warm reels geared to specific types of work, but that's absolutely something to consider. In times past when potential clients, producers, and production companies have reached out looking to see specific examples I'll normally build out a webpage with embedded videos and examples of work appropriate to what they're wanting to see. When I'm going for directing gigs, I'll also include any other specific information along with links to download treatments and lookbooks I've done in the past.

I'd honestly not considered how the production value of what's on your reel shows off the types of budgets you've been on but now realize what an obvious statement that is. Still, I could point to an incredible number of bigger budget projects I've been on where unfortunately the product was no where near some what I've put out on smaller budgets and sometimes zero budget personal work plus the soft skills I've gained and sharpened in the process.

Planning Ahead

I'm a planner. I like maps. I like to know where I'm going, especially if I've got people (my family in this case) with me. With that in mind, what does this hot mess of being a freelance filmmaker look like five, ten, or twenty years down the road?

Freelancing isn't necessarily the most conducive or predictable means of making a living if you're down for long term plans. Sure, you can make plans but that doesn't mean they're foolproof. I'm pretty sure no plans are absolutely foolproof.

A good deal of my conversations with peers lately have wound up around what our lives and line of work will look like down the road. In general, these conversations address cashflow and finances, long term health,

By all means if you can't make the numbers work, you can't keep doing the thing. I've talked about finances before and know that the topic absolutely occupies an unhealthy amount of time in my life. Still, I think there should be more open conversations around finances in freelancing and how to improve your financial health – notice I didn't just say "make more money."

Looking back on my first year in New York I can say that while writing this post 54% of my revenue is from new clients I've connected with here in the city, 19% is from stock footage licensing, and the remaining 27% is from existing clients (only 13% of those existing clients are based in Oklahoma). My monthly profits are up 4% from my averages and up 1% from last year. I've got a ways to go in order to make here in such an expensive market, but feel like things are moving in the right direction.

Other conversations have focused on physical health and being able to keep up with the demands of the work. Thankfully I'm still healthy and in good shape, but absolutely know others who aren't. I'm turning 38 soon and know in time my body will physically not be able to swing a camera or gear around as well as I can now. Recently both of my shoulders reminded me that I'm no longer in my twenties.

I had a shoot recently and got to meet and work with a stills photographer named Richard Drew who's been working for the Associated Press for forty years. He's the photog behind the Falling Man image from the Sept. 11th attacks and was also one of the four press photographers in the room when Robert Kennedy was shot and killed. This guy is in his early 70s, has been working professionally for more than 50 years, and seemed to have no intention of retiring anytime soon. He looked MUCH younger than he actually was and talked about how the physicality of the work has kept him young. I've met a few people like this over the years and pray I'm one of the lucky ones to make it that far.

While we're at it, I'll throw in the fact that I talked about Becoming an Old Freelancer right around this time last year. Along with Finances, I also wrote some nonsense about Mental & Emotional Health as well as Community.

One thing that doesn't come up though in these conversations about what our professional world will look like down the road is gear. Still, I nerd out at times and look forward to the new tools available to help us do the thing. I'm heading out to the NAB show here in New York later this week to check out all the stuffs. Plus there's this Arri interview with Roger Deakins and his experience with the new Alexa Mini LF. Seems like they should've shot it on LFs instead of a couple Amiras.

Elena Goddard - Nemesis pt1.1

So this one's been sitting on a hard drive since July. Elena Goddard and I did another music video this summer and it finally released last week as the track made its way to the different music streaming platforms.

WRITTEN & PERFORMED BY: Elena Goddard
DIRECTOR/DP/EDIT: me
CAMERA ASSISTANT: Kyle Vines

She'd wanted the imagery for this music video to have her in a wide open space to lean on the song's idea of her feeling alone and isolated. Turns out find a wide open space is easier said than done here in New York unless you're down to shoot at the beach – thanks Coney Island.

My planning, prep, and pile of reference images were all well and good, but I swear there was nothing easy or forgiving about this project short of Elena's grace and understanding about everything. Again, she's self-funding all this nonsense and had just under $400 for this shoot. We used my camera package and lenses and the budget needed to cover an incredibly discounted AC rate as well renting an EasyRig, 1/2 ProMist filter, and two Gold Mount batteries. For the sake of them ever seeing the light of day, here's a bit from my original notes, references, and scouting images (R.I.P.).

There was a bit of a hot mess regarding a gear rental falling through and then me scrambling to secure what I was needing. Crazy thanks to New York Camera Company for absolutely hustling and coming through in a pinch; looking forward to working with them more down the road.

We were working with Elena's work schedule and at the time she was only available Thursday afternoons. The weather forecast here seems to change wildly by the minute and we'd gone days with our weather apps saying we'd be fine and have clear skies during our shoot, but we got the short end of the stick on this one. Still, we'd committed our time and resources and weren't up to waste them.

Once we got out to Coney Island we ended up having a 90 minute window before the rain was too much. That time frame got us a few takes and a rush of b-roll I prayed was enough. We also shot a few minutes with her in the ocean that I dug but ended up not fitting with the edit.

Post-wise, this was the first in a bit where I tried digging into DaVinci Resolve. I'll normally do any kind of color correction and grading just inside Premiere Pro but wanted to try something else. By all means I've become a fan of Resolve even in my short time in the software, but there's a considerable learning curve in getting even close to knowing what you're doing.

At the end of it all, I'm glad we got what we did and I was able to try some new things. Crazy thanks to Elena Goddard for reaching out about doing another one as well as to Kyle Vines for making a rough shoot day run as smooth as possible. We shot another music video this past week that's a bit of an opposite to this project so I'll post more on that one down the road.

This Past Week

So this past week felt like a bit of a hot mess and I'm pretty sure that's okay now and then. There's good times and there's bad times; that's just the way it works. In a world where there's huge swings – financial, creative, personal, emotional – I'm a big fan of keeping track and using that information to gage the averages. Good grief it's important to step back and take in the bigger picture vs. putting your entire self-worth into what's immediately in front of you.

I'm a habitual journaler and I'd be mortified to be caught without my black Moleskine notebook and pen. That time spent writing in my notebook helps me process my experiences and step back to look at things more objectively than I would otherwise. I also keep very detailed notes of the money coming in and out of various accounts so it's easy to keep track of where things are financially. I've got a few unpaid invoices out right now and I figured out a means via spreadsheet (shocker) to quickly see how far out they are in comparison to how quickly those clients have paid up in the past.

Another thing for this week that felt like a big deal was the idea of "just keep paddling." I've mentioned it before, but I'm a fan of the idea that it's easier to steer a boat that's moving. Terry Storch had included a quote from James Clear in one of his recent dispatches that felt right on.

"Your 1st blog post will be bad, but your 1,000th will be great. Your 1st workout will be weak, but your 1,000th will be strong. Your 1st meditation will be scattered, but your 1,000th will be focused. Put in your reps." - James Clear

2019 Climate Strike – NYC

Surely you're here, dear reader, to hear me out on political opinions and polarizing topics. Surely you're curious as to whether or not I’m on the side of believing climate change is a real thing and if I believe we as a whole are largely responsible for it. I'm guessing too you're curious about whether or not I'm one to stand on a platform and raise my voice thinking it’ll change someone’s mind.

The Global Climate Strike this past Friday claimed four million participants around the world. There was a reported 60,000 (mostly young) New Yorkers out in force to say their piece and join other like minded people in demanding world leaders take real action towards combating climate change.

CAMERA/EDIT: Me
MUSIC: "Four Thirty" by Matt Lowery

It’s terrifying to see the environmental changes taking place, but easy for me to move on to the next thing on my plate. Climate change is a huge, worldwide issue that demands our attention, but oh man it’s awesome I can order dog food, toilet paper, or any number of things on the internet and have it delivered by the next day without even considering the environmental impact of what goes into making that happen. If you've followed along for any period of time you'll know I'm a fan of contributing more than you consume but that's so much easier to say than do. Still, I'm pretty sure the daily habits to consume less are more helpful than not. Kudos to the few jobs I've been on recently that have completely cut out plastic water bottles – looking at you Vevo and Hilton Hotels.

I've been to plenty of demonstrations, marches, and protests over the years but this one felt different. How do you change the opinion of someone in power who’s already made up their mind? Will another protest, march, or strike be the one to finally tip the scales?

This is the world we live in: Punishing heat waves, catastrophic floods, huge fires and climate conditions so uncertain that children took to the streets en masse in global protests to demand action.

But this is also the world we live in: A pantheon of world leaders who have deep ties to the industries that are the biggest sources of planet-warming emissions, are hostile to protests, or use climate science denial to score political points. - > NY Times

It's inspiring to say the least to hear from Greta Thunberg and read about #FridaysForFuture. I absolutely agree with the idea of education being pointless if you're not around to use it. Good grief what an amazing message and optic seeing her sail from Europe to NYC on a zero-emissions yacht instead of flying because of airplanes' high gas emissions. After all she was invited to speak at the United Nations Climate Action Summit.

Sitting next to Mr. Guterres, Ms. Thunberg took the microphone and said the millions of young people who protested around the world Friday had made an impact. “We showed them we are united and that we young people are unstoppable,” she said.

From Mr. Guterres came a hat tip. “I encourage you to go on. I encourage you to keep your initiative, keep your mobilization and more and more to hold my generation accountable.”

Whether the youth protests can goad many world leaders into changing their policies is a big question mark at best, said Michael B. Gerrard, a law professor at Columbia University. Some of them are closely linked to fossil fuel and extractive industries, he noted. Others have a record of crushing protests. And so the outcry, Mr. Gerrard said, may well fall on “intentionally closed ears.” - > NY Times

Refresh, Refresh

It's Monday and I'm practically floating following this past week. It was a busy and fulfilling one both personally and professionally so I didn't have much time to sit and fill journal pages like I normally do – that's a good problem to have at times. That being said, this'll be another short post as I dive into this week.

I've started plowing into another book after finishing my last one. I'd been wanting to dig into Patti Smith's memoir Just Kids since seeing her interview with Stephen Colbert way back in the day. Side note: it drives me bonkers seeing this YouTube clip in the wrong aspect ratio but not enough to embed the version from Comedy Central's website.

I'd come to learn of Patti Smith via the photographer Robert Mapplethorpe (portfolio – some NSFW images BTW). I'm about two thirds through her book at this point and good grief these two were absolutely in the thick of it amongst the NYC creative scene of the late 60s and early 70s.

I've nerded out reading about her commutes on the same F train I ride almost daily as well as a couple mentions of the early days at Electric Lady Studios considering I've been able to shoot there a couple times already with Contrast Films for VEVO and Spotify projects.

Anne and I absolutely had more money and years to our name than Patti Smith did when we got here and we’ve been able to lean into that, but it’s crazy easy relating to some of the struggles she faced during her early years in the city. It’s tough being away from family, especially with kids, but we’ve met and connected with some outstanding people here who are in the same boat and up to do life together. Financially I’m still working to get my legs under me as a freelancer and I’m VERY much a small fish in this giant pond. I know what it’s like to drink black coffee and nurse a cheap beer at social events while some of my new peers have the financial means and margin to spend more. There’s also the thing about having and needing space to work as a creative. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fervently covet a studio space, but for now I’m down to work at a coffee shop behind a laptop and notebook with a plain black coffee — typically the most inexpensive item on the menu.

It's stories like Patti Smith’s that keep me excited about being in New York City.

At twenty years old, I boarded the bus...Today was a Monday; I was born on Monday. It was a good day to arrive in New York City. No one expected me. Everything awaited me. - Patti Smith

End of Summer

Well, it’s kinda gone from 0 to 100 the last little bit. Work has picked back up again and thankfully I’m booked all this week. Sunday had me working a music shoot in the city, then off to Florida Monday through Friday for a corporate job in Orlando, followed by another music shoot back in NYC on Saturday.

It’s comforting to be back on sets and even more so to hear from other crew members also harping on how slow things have been the last couple months. One of the DPs I hung out with recently mentioned spending his down time at the beach and surfing all summer; another buddy along with his wife and kids spent the last few months back with family in Texas. Oklahoma summers were slow, but this year as a newbie in the city was brutal. Now that I have at least a rough idea of how the year works here Saint Anne the Wife and I are already planning ahead for next summer.

Feast or famine. Feast or famine.

One thing I'll say about my summer down time – plus a kick in the pants from this documentary about bookstores and reading – is I’ve had the opportunity to plow through more books than I have in years. I just finished reading Brave New World by Aldous Huxley and some of it felt appropriate in how I’m feeling right now. I’m not looking to mass produce populations, further a caste system, or sell you on the virtues of soma, but I still believe in the idea that nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

My freelancing experience is crazy unpredictable and absolutely rough, but at times can be insanely rewarding. The worlds I get to personally visit where I’d not be allowed otherwise along with the flexibility, sense of adventure, and rush of doing good work in a high pressure situation make those panic attacks and stressful periods worth it.

Here's a rough recap of Brave New World if you've not read the book or it's been a minute since you have.

Mustapha Mond: "The world's stable now. People are happy; they get what they want, and they never want what they can't get. They're well off; they're safe; they're never ill; they're not afraid of death; they're blissfully ignorant of passion and old age; they're plagued with no mothers or fathers; they've got no wives, or children, or lovers to feel strongly about; they're so conditioned that they practically can't help behaving as they ought to behave."
...
John the Savage: “But I like the inconveniences.”
Mustapha Mond: “We don’t,” said the Controller. “We prefer to do things comfortably.”
“But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.”
"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."
"All right then, said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."
"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly...; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow..." There was a long silence.
"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.
Mustapha Mond shrugged his shoulders. "You're welcome," he said.

Just a heads up: it doesn't end well for John the Savage.
Another heads up: I'm not John the Savage nor do I plan to be.