Shut it Down: Week Five

I'm fairly certain that today is Monday. The calendar says it's April 13, 2020, which is a Monday, but I'm wearing my Saturday pants and I gave Clara the Dog a bath already this morning which normally happens on the weekend. I do remember watching Saturday Night Live (from Home) yesterday at sometime, so I'm calling it the weekend. It's settled. Today is Weekend.

Again, thank goodness we're safe and healthy here in the American epicenter of this madness. I feel bad for asking and/or wanting anything else. That being said, we're just like the VAST majority of the world in that we're cooped up inside, get occasional jaunts to the park, and have what seems like an endless loop of time. Oh, and it's back to sorta parka season?

Our parents have been fantastic about sending us care packages through all this. This week Anne's mom sent us a few small 100 piece puzzles and by the third one we stopped looking at the box to see what we were supposed to be doing; the forth we did without using the reference. I plan to attempt at least one of them with the cardboard side up.

We've got the time on our hands.

Still rockin' the sourdough loafs a couple times a week and finally found rye flour at our Whole Foods this week. I got out the watercolors and know myself enough to not share the results with the world.

Side note: I'm trying my best at this absolutely phoned in post. My mind has mushed out, the walls are past closing in, and I'm barely proof-reading this nonsense. Thank goodness for ducking auto-correct cleaning up my mess. I mean seriously: watercolors and rye flour?

There was a bit of a highlight a few sleeps and day-/nighttime differences ago. I had a last minute job come in from an agency I've shot with here in New York. They had a client looking for footage of the Empire State Building with the top lit up in red to honor the first responders. They were needed the footage shot and delivered that night. The agency reached out, we settled on a rate, and soon after I was on a zoom call with people on the east and west coasts getting direction on what they wanted. With the additional protection via raincoat, mask, and rubber gloves I left my corner of Brooklyn for the first time since the lockdown. I'd not been in Manhattan since February. SUPER eerie seeing the lack of traffic while shuttling around via Lyft (who still charged congestion fees).

Shut it Down: Week Four

Supposedly this is to be a hard week as the coronavirus peaks here in NYC. I've tried to calm myself, Saint Anne the Wife, and our parents back in Oklahoma City by citing a New York Times article listing the number of confirmed cases here in the city by zip code and how relatively far down the list our neighborhood is. Hearing and reading about the White House's best case scenario of 100,000+ people dying here in the US thanks to this nonsense is absolutely something else.

The actual danger still seems so far away from the struggles and successes day in and day out in our 700 sq foot apartment and regular walks to and from the park. At the moment I don't personally know of anyone who's been confirmed, but I do keep up with the news and know the wolf isn't too far from our door.

I'd read someone post about being careful the music you end up listening to a lot during this time and how it'll forever be associated with what's happening. I've always been able to look back through my notebooks and remember what different times were like through the journal entries and calendar notes. Now my current notebook has an entry from this past week partly smeared thanks to the Isopropyl alcohol I use as a disinfectant each day. I'll just add it to the coffee stains and spilled water from the years seeing as how I've already got those. Multiple times this week I dreamed about being in different group settings. Couldn't tell you what was happening, but I just remember being around people other than my wife and kids.

Living in New York City you get used to being physically closer to complete strangers than you probably should be, but now it's hard not to think that everyone outside your immediate circle – wife & kids for me – has or could have something that could potentially kill you and/or someone you love. It's an odd dance to try and maintain the social distancing guidelines with others on these narrow sidewalks and grocery store asiles. Oh, and have you tried to keep a mask on a two year old?

I'm still getting used to wearing a mask myself when I'm outside. It's gotten easier now that so many other people are wearing them. It does suck though that my sunglasses and the glasses I wear when I'm not wearing my contacts fog up every time I breathe. Last night I was out walking our dog and in trying to be optimistic through all this, I nerded out about my fogged up glasses acting like a super strong Smoque filter. I literally took a few extra moments just to stare into the streetlights and pay attention to how they rainbowed out.

My hands are more dry and cracked than they've ever been thanks to all the hand washing and disinfecting I've done to try and separate from this invisible enemy, but still in this raw state they seem to be getting tougher and almost used to it. The weather has gotten pretty nice (light jacket vs. parka season) and we still make it out to the park at least once a day when it's not raining. The cherry blossoms have been in full swing the last few days and there's a ton of Spring color showing up.

I'd love to get into "how this situation is making us stronger" and be optimistic and motivating, but honestly it's been a tough few weeks already and I'm not looking forward to a "harder" one. Surely it's fine and healthy to recognize when things suck for at least a moment or two. The dust always settles and soon enough we'll get back to something we recognize.

Shut it Down: Week Three

I'm a few days into wearing a mask outside and I’ve learned a few things: I don’t like it; it’s keeping me from touching my face as much as I normally would; it’s probably the new normal for a while. That and basically sherpa-ing the Brooklyn wilderness now that we've drastically cut back on trips to the store and Amazon deliveries take much longer than they used to.

Keep in mind too I’m typing a good portion of this post out on my iPhone through rubber gloves while six feet from the closest person in line waiting to get into the Park Slope Whole Foods.

So, what happened this past week...

FREAKIN' KUDOS to Dr. David Price for doing this video and bring some much needed peace and calm to those of us losing our minds during this unusual time (just wish it wasn't being a little punk and not letting me embed it in this post). Absolutely worth a view.

Donald Glover released a new album, so that was fun.

"Surely you've seen Tiger King in its entirety by now" says the kid from Oklahoma who's subtly hinting at the fact his name is in the credits under the "Additional Camera" section :)

I still believe our two house fires are out to murder Saint Anne the Wife and me. That being said, I nearly broke down in tears the other day because of all this nonsense. If you've followed along at all you know I typically whine about it being hard to "adult." Add to that being cooped up with two small children in an even smaller apartment and you'll eventually find me in a sludgy puddle under my desk, but thank GOD I'm stuck in here with Saint Anne the Wife who is a much better person than I am and seems to have this "responsible adult" thing down. I've resorted to taking pictures of flowers and trees because they aren't constantly yelling and you don't have to ask them to follow directions the first time. Oh, and I've gotten super obsessed about all the discarded rubber gloves, Clorox wipes, and medical masks in the streets and sidewalks these past few weeks.

It's TERRIFYING to think you've put your family at undue risk by both being in NYC in the first place and choosing to stick around when we could've left. We've got friends with and without young kids who are still here and sticking it out and others who left town. We've also got friends who are SUPER preggers and due to deliver in the next few weeks.

At Target today I was in the baby getting kiddo shampoo and absolutely stoked to know our two drunk octopi aren't needing formula and all the other newborn essentials during this hot mess. Our little one was still going through baby food pouches when we moved here and that had us going to the store ALL. THE. FREAKING. TIME.

On the topic of the little one, God bless Saint Anne the Wife for leading the charge in getting him through potty training at the moment. I've only taken a couple direct hits (to the face no less), but there she is, on the front lines of teaching a little boy to do his nonsense in/on a child sized plastic toilet that just sits there next to our normal person toilet, taunting me and testing my self-control.

"I'm an adult. I will not try and use it myself."

Good God get me out of this tiny apartment.

Shut it Down: Week Two

The reality of this being week two of basically a shutdown is starting to settle in. It's Monday morning, I'm writing at my desk, and Saint Anne the Wife is trying to decipher our first grader's remote learning assignments while also trying to occupy our two-year-old with neon colored pipe cleaners and a stainless steel colander. Did I mention too that we're potty training the younger of our boys at the moment?

We're basically going bonkers being cooped with our two drunk octopi. We're decent-to-good parents, but I for one would rather just tape our children to the floor; I've got plenty of gaffe tape. Thank God they go to bed before we do. That and it's been helpful to have plenty of wine and whisky on hand.

How any parent is expected to be productively working from home and also essentially homeschooling their young children is insane.

So, dear reader, how are you coping? Via Squarespace supposedly there are somewhere between 10 and 90 RSS subscribers. Every now I get a like at the bottom of a post; one time there was even a couple comments. I know you're out there – "Hi mom."

We've been hitting the park just about every day and heading deep into the woods. The mornings are thinner so it's easier to follow through with the social distancing protocol in such a densely populated city.

There's been some solid and very welcomed wins this week. On Wednesday I found out that I had a big stock footage sale that should help cover a good portion of May's rent. Turns out a random video shoot with Olivia Abiassi two summers ago is now being used in a Danish chewing gum ad.

Then there was the good news about our upcoming tax refund that couldn't come at a better time. Speaking of finances, there's some solid help out there considering all that's going on. I reached out to my credit card, bank, landlord, childcare provider, and others to get ahead of this hot financial mess. Most were helpful, and some more than others. Adobe Creative Cloud waived my subscription fee for the next 90 days.

We're still with our bank back in Oklahoma City. When I called my business banker he'd mentioned that they're not feeling the same pinch we are here in New York, but surely they'll start feeling it more soon enough. He made a great point about it being harder to borrow money when you actually need it, so it's best to start those conversations early. I've still got a Small Business Loan on my camera package as well as a Business Line of Credit. With interest rates being so low at the moment, it may be a good time to check into refinancing loans to get that better rate and save on interest payments.

Where'd the Bottom Go?

Well, shit... The bottom basically fell out of the world this past week and there's no way this isn't going to be about the coronavirus (and I apologize to my mother-in-law for cussing).

Saint Anne the Wife has the boys out somewhere in Prospect Park this morning where they can run and yell their heads off before they'll need to head back in for lunch and Flynn's nap. The park is only a couple blocks from our Park Slope apartment and we've been spending quite a bit of time out there deep in the trees and trails.

I meanwhile am back at the apartment after fighting through another grocery store run here in Brooklyn. Never in my life have I had to hunt down basic food staples like flour, olive oil, beans, and rice. I'd have never thought my new sourdough hobby would've actually been useful considering how hard it is to find bread around here. Thursday's Target run wasn't me out to hoard toilet paper and Clorox wipes like some of the heroes there, but I did just nearly loose my mind waiting in line in front of a family with young kids yelling, crawling on the floor, and rubbing their hands on everything they could touch while the mom just stood there mocking me after I asked her to stop bumping me with her stroller.

It dawned on me last night while we were getting the boys ready for bed that this'll more than likely be a time they'll look back on in the way my generation remembers something like 9/11. Anne and I haven't dealt with a situation like this before and we're trying as parents and simply as people to guide them through it. Oh, and then there's Anne and I trying to convince my parents back in Oklahoma City who are both in their 70's that they probably shouldn't be going to church this past weekend simply due the amount of people they'd be around.

Good grief it's a strange time to be around. There's an infographic over at the Visual Capitalist that was incredibly helpful in visualizing the history of pandemics.

As of last night the NYC Public Schools are closed along with restaurants and bars. Literally any gathering over 50 people is banned. Our church cancelled Sunday services so after we got the boys in bed Anne and I watched Life.Church's Craig Groeschel absolutely kill it with a sermon devoted to how the Church should respond to coronavirus.

We've got quite a few friends who've left New York for the foreseeable future while this whole thing blows over. Some have left for their second homes outside the city and others have gone back to their parents. I know Anne and I have talked about leaving but for now we're staying put; I can't see how us leaving is going to help the situation.

As a teacher Anne is in a unique position to make sure Elliot and Flynn are on track with their education. For me – and most of my buddies – it's scary AF to be a freelancer at the moment. Actual paid work has absolutely dried up for me short of a project that never seems to end, but thankfully I've still got invoices out and stock footage revenue that will continue to carry us for a bit, but not indefinitely. This coming Friday is my normal biweekly payday and I've already seen one of my March 16th corporate tax payments automatically withdrawn from my business account.

It's absolutely understandable if you're not handling this time well. I'm more nervous about the economic impact on our family vs. actually getting sick. We're probably ruining the "Happy Birthday" song for our kids considering we sing it twice while washing our hands that are now considerably dry and nearly bleeding. I've got a bottle of 91% rubbing alcohol on my desk and we're making our way through Clorox wipes on all our 'high-touch' surfaces around the apartment. No clue what your thing is to help you keep your calm, but I'm leaning hard into a few Bible passages (here, here, and here) as well as searching out informed sources to help us through whatever global thriller/horror movie we seem to be in at the moment – bonus points if they make me laugh.

This Week in Dumpster Fires

It's not like I'm looking for something else to worry about, but hot damn we've got another live one. Saint Anne the Wife resigned from her teaching job this past Friday – that same one she'd started back in mid-November and was making double teaching here compared to what she was in Oklahoma. That fact alone was ticking one of the major boxes we had for leaving, but we quickly realized this particular job wasn't a good fit for our family. She'd leave each morning by 6:39a to catch the train and not be back till around 5:30p. It was a hot mess when I'd have a job come up and we'd have to scramble to arrange childcare. Oh, and it turns out childcare was costing us more than she was actually bringing home. Considering what she was making, I'm assuming it's a slam on both how little Oklahoma pays their teachers and how much childcare costs here in NYC.

On top of that we've pretty much lost our collective mind thanks to COVID-19. Yea, sure it's scary AF to think about what's happening at the moment and how it's impacting our daily lives – not to mention the unknowns that could or could not be around the corner.

“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?” Luke 12:25-26

Awesome. Sweet. Thanks for two sentences that should somehow manage to fix everything and let us get back to normal. Meanwhile I'll be limiting my time on the subway, not visiting the grocery store, and just take my cancelled jobs in stride while the world hoards toilet paper, dried beans, and disposable masks. I've already mentioned having a couple jobs get canceled, but now it's coffee meetings here in the city turning into video chats from home and Cloroxing every nearby surface. For sure I'm in the ranks of other freelancers feeling the lack of work, especially now my family is back to one income. But still, there it is again...

“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” Matthew 6:27

You don't want to be known as the person who doesn't have their nonsense together. You don't want to be known as a hot mess or out of control, but it's pretty much a dumpster fire out there at the moment. I'm not looking for permission to balk at my responsibilities, but surely this is a great time for extra grace. That and plenty of Reddit posts about dogs.

"This is an unprecedented moment. It’s important that we approach it with a sense of calm and responsibility—because we have many people counting on us." - Sundar Pichai, CEO of Google and Alphabet

Seriously I'd love to be talking about the last few jobs I've been on or how I'm using some fancy new idea to solve a problem or maybe even just quote a book I'm reading, but no. I'd be some much easier to post a random image I've shot recently but we're here dealing with things mostly out of our control, me quoting the Bible and the CEO of Google/Alphabet in nearly the same disjointed breath, and trying to lean hard into grace.

Catastrophic Bingo

It's cool to say that things feel out of control at the moment, right? Like, I'm pretty sure we're one asteroid the size of Texas speeding towards the Earth shy of a completely catastrophic bingo.

There's the coronavirus and its quest to kill us all. We heard about the confirmed case in Manhattan this morning and you'd better believe I was more aware of my surroundings riding the subway this morning. The stock market had and incredibly rough week — the worst since the financial crisis. And just this morning I had two solid travel jobs (international & domestic) scheduled for the end of this month postponed due to this hot mess.

There's also craziness and inescapability of the presidential election, tax season, and being a parent to a two year old. I honestly wish I could just head west and hide in the desert for a few days. By all means I'd take Saint Anne the Wife with me; I guess the boys should come with us too. And Clara the Dog. And we'd need clean underwear, diapers, and food. And dog food. We'd need water too. And honestly my notebook and pen. I guess the boys would probably need something to do as well. Ugh... We should probably just stay in New York. I don't want to take all that nonsense to the desert.

But reality and responsibility remind me that I've got edits and taxes and rent and childcare payments – for next year – due and I'd better get back to work. But I also need to run to Target because we're out of Q-tips, Cherrios, and Elliot needs new toothpaste. And then I've got a lunchtime coffee with a buddy. Oh, and I'm supposed to schedule a bunch of other stuff. Thank goodness I've already filed my corporate taxes – and by that I mean my CPA is the best and I learned my lesson last year that those taxes are due in March, not April.

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Again, crazy thankful that I've been busy the last few months. I'm dumb deep into the edit of three short doc pieces for a shoot back in January that are taking way too long to cut. I've also been on three different sets the last couple weeks, one of which had me absolutely falling in love with the way a DP buddy of mine, Jeremy McDaniel, lit an interview – surely parabolic sources are now yesterday's book lights. Oh, and seeing another DP friend of mine, Peter Fackler, light another interview on a white cyc and actually use his light meter was a treat.

But seriously though, hiding out in the desert with no contact to the rest of the world for a few weeks would be nice.

Midwinter Break - Cape May, NJ

We'd learned from this time last year about NYC's mythical "Midwinter Recess." It seemed like we were the only ones not out of town - or at least it felt that way. This year we made it back out to Cape May, New Jersey, to spend a couple days out of the city.

Considering how many people end up leaving NYC for the break, the best price I could find on a rental car with enough room had us in a "Premium SUV." When I went to pick it up, I ended up asking if they had anything smaller for the sake of trying to park something that big and how much we'd be spending on gas. Surprisingly they had an Audi Q5 on hand. Anne and I both had Q5s before we moved to NY, so that car still brings back good memories. Turns out the "check engine" light was on – not a shock to any Audi owner – and they couldn't let me take it. Parked right next to it though was an available BMW 330i with less than 500 miles on it. For sure smaller than the SUV I'd rented, but knowing Little Man's car seat would fit and the trunk was big enough for our luggage, I couldn't turn that down.

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Cape May, NJ, is a couple hours drive from NYC. Pretty sure the whole area is a seasonal beach town, so thankfully we weren't fighting a crowd once we got there. We made it time to have dinner on the boardwalk and walk around a nearly empty beach just before sunset when Things One and Two started getting restless. Honestly had never thought about heading to the beach in the wintertime, but good grief I can't recommend it enough: it's normally pretty empty, doesn't cost anything, and it's the beach. Crazy thanks to Robin Metz and her family for hosting ours again at their place in Cape May.

We're for sure in the "family trip" stage of life vs. any kind of idea of "vacation." Our little one's internal clock still goes off each morning before 6a which has us all up not long after. After a couple coffees we made it out to another beach by the Cape May Lighthouse. Little Man's 6a wake up had him back to sleep by 10a, so Saint Anne the Wife stayed in the car with him while Elliot and I made it out to the beach. Freakin' kudos to my wife BTW for the idea of us wearing rain boots on the beach so we didn't track sand back with us. That being said, it didn't take long for Elliot and I to snag some pictures near the water before he got in deeper than his rain boots were tall. On our soggy hike back I ended up dropping my camera in the parking lot and smashing the UV filter on the front of my lens. Sad day, but the camera body and lens were fine and new lens flares from the cracked glass were fun.

Meet the Gaffer

So this guy's YouTube channel has been one of my favorite recent finds lately. Luke Seerveld is a San Francisco based gaffer and looks like he's been putting out these BTS videos of his setups, gear over views, and other random goodies for years.

Normally I'd post an image or video in this spot that'd be the visual anchor and/or something to click on, but the dude doesn't have a trailer or demo summing up his work and I've spent way too long trying to narrow down my favorites to just post one. Looks like you'll just have to watch him light a cyc with tungsten units, go to his YouTube channel, and then dig through the rest of his stuff.

"Meet The Gaffer includes walk throughs of jobs I'm on, discussions about new gear, explanations of gear we use a lot, interviews with other working professionals, and opportunities to talk about lighting concepts or aspects of freelancing that may not be super clear to those starting out." - via his YouTube channel

The absolute lack of fluff in his behind the scenes videos of actual working sets is incredibly refreshing. He gets to the point he's trying to make and avoids trying to impress people with how cool he is. Good grief the YouTube filmmaking community could stand to aspire to his example. That being said, make sure to check out the poetry section on his website.

Again, it's refreshing to hear from an industry professional who's got years of working experience, is willing to share his knowledge, and the confidence to not let his ego get in the way. He could be an absolute a-hole in person, but doesn't seem like it. I've been in too many situations with working professionals who'd drown in the rain for looking down their nose at you for asking questions. This dude is the kind of grip and electric mentor I wish I would've had in learning how to work with light.

Monday – We Meet Again...

Short of few hours of sunlight this past week, it's been rainy and dreary here in NYC. It's been one of those weeks where it's tougher than it should be you just want to burn it all down. It's also Seasonal Affective Disorder season so I'm trying to keep everything in perspective.

It's absolutely easy to slide into a depression around this time of year. Work tends to be slow and it seems like you're the only one not working. I had two solid weeks of work last month, I'm neck deep in post-work on a project, and I've got some decent invoices yet to be paid, but my goldfish-like memory tends to make me feel like I'm the only one not working, I'll never be good enough, and I'm somehow dooming my family to poverty.

Going out for a run has always been helpful, but the combination of family and work schedules plus New York City's seemingly constant rain has made any additional outdoor physical effort all but impossible. Still, I've been running more this year compared to last, so I'm all about what I'd consider a positive trend.

On a brighter note, my wife had a birthday this past week and she still likes me. Plus I snagged some pics of her with our little one giving me the side-eye while the older kid and I were waiting in line for pickle samples at the Park Slope Farmers Market. Let's be honest: life's not that bad at the moment.